Nurturing Authenticity in Your Well-Being Journey [Part 2 of 4]
Earlier this month I started a series on how to find meaning in your life and work by breaking down the four elements of Overall Well-Being in order to apply them to your life. I started with asking yourself this question:
“When was the last time I felt truly energized by my work?
Not just getting through the day, but actually feeling fulfilled?”
I then went on to explore the first element of Overall Well-Being, that of DAILY Well-Being, which I described as learning to pay attention to the flow of your days. In other words, over time, are you having more good days than bad days? You can find the rest of that post here.
As you start getting in touch with the rhythm of good and bad days in your life, you can then consider the element of Authenticity. Dr. Matt Bloom, formerly a researcher at Notre Dame on well-being and now the advisor to the Ritual app, describes authenticity this way:
Authentic people are comfortable in their own skin. They are confident but not cocky, self-assured but not arrogant. Authentic people are honest with and about themselves. They acknowledge their strengths and their weakness.
I bet when you read that, you’re thinking, that sounds great! But how does one even get there and what's more, how do you sustain that sort of healthy and grounded self-awareness? I recently read something from the poet Maggie Smith, and I tell you what, it rung my bell!
Revise the story you tell yourself about rejection.
All that tells you is what you were worth to someone else—not what you are worth.
(from her book “Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change”)
In other words, DO NOT LET OTHERS DEFINE YOU! Authenticity is rooted in a deep sense of self, of knowing who you are and what you bring. Which begs the question, "How in the world do we get there?” Which then leads to, “And how do we remain rooted in that sense of self-worth?” Dr. Bloom would say that two influences are crucial:
A secure system of social support that is present, reliable and unconditional;
A mentor(s) who can provide enduring support and encouragement.
I grew up in a rather challenging environment where my parents were sparing in presence and praise. By the age of 15, I had already realized I needed to find support outside the home. I am eternally grateful for some friends and mentors who came around me, believed in me, and were kind and loving in their support and interest. Fortunately, these sort of people have continued to come alongside me in the different phases of my life to this day.
This experience at 15 taught me a key lesson: that I needed to go searching for this sort of support and guidance. These deeper relationships will not just drop into your lap. Understand that you will have to take initiative and take risks, but the payoff will be life-changing.
Additionally, I needed to learn to know when to leave certain situations that were proving toxic and hurtful. Because regardless of how strong I am in my sense of self, any normal person will be beaten down by negativity and lack of respect over time. Dr. Bloom calls this protecting our dignity, which is pivotal to deepening our capacity for authenticity.
Obviously, there is so much more to unpack here! As with Part 1, where I asked you to commit to two weeks to tracking your Daily Well-Being, for authenticity I encourage you to consider these questions for reflection in journaling and/or with wise counsel: a therapist, spiritual leader or coach:
Regarding your circle of social support - how do they do in the following ways?
Frequency of contact (weekly/monthly interactions)
Response time when reaching out (hours vs days)
Physical availability for important events
Consistent check-ins without prompting and good follow-through
As for finding a mentor:
Identify someone you already admire in your workplace, community, or field
Reconnect with former teachers, professors, or supervisors who showed interest in your growth
Join formal mentorship programs in your workplace, professional associations, or alumni networks
Volunteer for projects or committees where you'll work alongside experienced individuals
As I mentioned, notice that each one of these require initiative on your part! These questions probably feel daunting, but I cannot encourage you enough to take the time to go inward and take inventory of your circle of social support. It is crucial in this lifelong process of identity formation to assess your progress. Certainly, we are never finished in our growth and evolution. And occasionally we need to step back and see where we are headed. You are not alone and I would be glad to support you on such a journey.
Congratulations! The exploration of the first two elements of overall well-being is just the beginning of our journey together. There's much more to discover in the upcoming installments of this series, so I encourage you to subscribe to my blog notifications to stay connected.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences! You can reach me at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. If you're feeling ready to take the next step in your well-being journey, I invite you to schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation. Together, we can explore how personalized coaching might support your growth and development.
Looking forward to continuing this conversation with you!
